The Adventures of Harley {Top 6 things to do when you are facing Alzheimers/Dementia with an Aging Parent}

I am working on some projects to show you, but tonight, I thought I would talk about something that was near and dear to my heart!   There are several events that ROCK your world:  falling in love, getting married, having babies, losing babies, and the illnesses and deaths of aging parents.  About 2 years ago, we spent the summer with my Daddy in and out of nursing home/hospitals.  He had suffered a heart attack and a "neurological" event.  He had been already diagnosed with Alzheimer's and dementia-this just made it worse!  We had lost my Momma 6 years before, so all decisions and plans were mine to make.  That summer, I was scared to death, but I learned a lot.  I had to!  The first thing is that these kind of events never happen at a "convenient time", nor are there manuals about what to do when you have to take over the decisions and affairs of an aging parent.  However, there are lots of people going through what you are going through.  So, here are the tips:
***Disclaimer:  I am NOT an attorney, nor am I a doctor.   As we have dealt with things with my Daddy, my prayer has been that I would be able to help someone else who was going through a similar situation!

1.  Get organized:
     *There are several "emergency family binders" floating around pinterest.  Make one!  The summer my  
      Daddy was so sick I had one, and I kept it with me because I would never know when I was going to
      need it!
      Things to include:  social security number, insurance cards, driver's license, list of medications, 
      list of doctors, notes from doctor's visits/ hospital/ER visits (think What? When? Where?  
      What is the diagnosis/treatment/prognosis? When did it happen and for how long?   Where did 
      the illness occur?), legal documents (see  #2), financial documents (see #3) with account 
      numbers and billing information, the name of the hospital's social worker (especially if you are 
      going to a nursing home), the name of nursing homes that friends have recommended, the 
      name of the home health agency if you are referred to them, and the final will and funeral home 
      information.  (The last mention is not fun to think about---but when you find yourself in that situation, 
      you will probably not be in the frame of mind to have to look for that kind of information!)
2.  Consult an attorney.  Find out what documents you need:  living will, last will & testament, power of
     attorney, check to see if you need to put your name on property and/or assets.
3.  Consult the financial institution.  Find out who can sign checks, what you will need to do if the hospital
     stay is extended, and, if you can, what bills are drafted automatically.  (Also, check the mail at the home
     and keep up with the bills!)
4.  If you are a medical lay person like me, tap into the knowledge of your friends who are doctors and
     nurses!  I am lucky that  several family members are in the medical field and my sorority little sister and
     several  dear friends are nurses!  I ask them questions all the  time!  (i.e. when he has a new diagnosis or 
     new symptoms, how much of this med should he really be taking, when he gets a new med--will it interact 
     with something he is already on???).
5.  Consult local law enforcement!  I've had to call his local police department a couple of times to ask 
     questions, plus I have a good friend who is an officer.  We have been battling with his driver's license 
     since he has been back home.  He does NOT need to be driving, and that has been one of the hardest 
     processes is to keep him from driving!!!!!!!!!  Some police departments offer a GPS device in a bracelet 
     that can track your loved one if they are a wanderer.    Also, if your parent is still driving, take advantage 
     of technology-GPS and cell phones!!!!!!!  Another sticky topic:  weapons in the home.  Make sure your 
     local law enforcement knows if the person living in a particular house and  is diagnose with Alz. or 
     dementia has access to weapons.  That is for the safety of everyone.  Due to the neuro stuff going on,  
     Daddy also suffers from paranoia and hallucinations and can be agitated easily!  And, obviously this was 
     an issue or I wouldn't bring it up.  That little deal is a good story---and so are his driver's license stories!    
     I'm sure I'll share one or two or ten along the way!!!!!
5.  Take care of yourself!  If you are not taking care of yourself, you won't be able to take care of anyone 
     else.  Know that the person saying all those crazy things to you is not your parent.  You will still see
     glimpses of that Mom or Dad  you love so dearly.  Two moments absolutely broke my heart.  The 
     first is when my Daddy looked at me and asked me "Nurse, will you go get my daughter?".  Then about a  
     month later seeing my Daddy in the nursing home dining room eating.  He was wearing a bib.  Find 
     moments to laugh and enjoy the beauty in your life---you will need to because there will be lots of tears. 


So...Harley??  That is not my Daddy's real name.   He had been in a wheel chair most of that summer, but he was finally able to come home in late fall.   As soon as he got home, he wanted me to take him to buy a Harley...as in motorcycle!  He came home without even a driver's license!  He was able to drive for a couple of months, but luckily, his license has been taken away at least for now.   That "neurological" event had done a number on him!  My friends tell me that I should write a book because he has pulled some stunts!  


I know this is heavy stuff...but my hope is that I've helped at least 1 person!  Feel free to email me if you have questions!